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“Player Hater”

In recent years the term “Player Hater” has become very popular. According to, the term is defined as “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.” The word is believed to have originated from the popular phrase, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Throughout the game of life we all may encounter situations, things or individuals we do not agree with, but when dislike turns to hate, it can trigger physical toxins in your body. Recent studies have shown that, “love-hate” relationship with a friend could actually cause a person’s blood pressure to rise. Just being in the same room with a person you hate can send your blood pressure up. Many health experts believe hate causes many physical problems including reduced immunity, migraine headaches and increased vulnerability to diseases like diabetes and cancer.

While many player haters think hateful acts affects the one they hate, the truth is it attacks them more than they know. When people hate they look for allies to justify the hating. They spend lots of energy convincing themselves and others that the person they hate really deserves to be punished.

Hatred can give meaning to an empty life. You can’t change a hateful person, they need to do so on their own; but you can change how you react to hate. While it might not be possible to rid yourself of hateful thoughts it is possible to minimize the effects of it in your daily life. Below are some ways to help you develop the resilience to overcome hate and haters.

Let go of your expectations
It is easy to point the finger of blame at others for the pain you have suffered. But that only keeps you in a cycle of repeating painful memories. Let go of your concepts of how things should be and get on with your life.

Recognize what you can and can’t control
By letting go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable in your life, you allow people, places and things to be responsible for themselves, which takes a tremendous burden off you. By freeing yourself of this huge burden, you will appreciate life more for what it is. You will have the energy and strength to pursue your own interests. You will be able to relax and have fun.

Forgive and forget
When you take responsibility for yourself, you are better able to forgive and forget when you feel hurt by another’s behavior. Otherwise you can spend your life stuck in a festering wound of negative emotions that is unable to heal. Holding on to hateful thought and emotions will steal your happiness and attract more haters in your life.

Recognize your shadow side
We all have negative aspects of our personality that is constantly seeking to be healed.  Becoming aware of one’s own projections (negative qualities in ourselves we don’t acknowledge) can help combat hateful thinking. By paying attention to this phenomenon of projection onto others, more information about oneself can be gained. For example: When you perceive another person to be arrogant and become agitated by this. Chances are you have arrogance within yourself which makes seeing it in others revealing to you.

Accept personal responsibility
Acknowledge that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life. You are responsible for how you feel or think. Hating others for events in your life is not an effective way to take control of your future. People do the best they can with what they know, acknowledge that you have faults and allow others to be human too.

See all your hates as temporal
Can you recall something in your past that you thought was bad, but turned out to be good later on in life? When we judge our actions by labeling some, as good and some as bad, life becomes a complicated matrix of judgments that make life increasingly more difficult. We have created, or more likely been given a limiting self-image that includes ideas of failure and inadequacy, none of which serve us. Apply compassion to all your beliefs and allow yourself the gift of love and forgiveness.

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