“Arrange whatever pieces comes your way”- Virginia Wolf
We have all heard stories of growing up with abuse. Some of us actually lived it. Growing up in a household with a mean spirited angry father or mother. A Father bitter and cruel abuses drugs and alcohol, nearly killing himself many times. Finally ends up in jail. He ignored his children, ran around with other women leaving his wife behind to struggle with the finances. He has two sons, one so angry, swears never to be like his dad, but still grows up like him, angry and alcoholic who beats his wife. He is a victim of his circumstances. The other son becomes a man who raises three kids, has a happy marriage and loves his job, has no anger or alcohol or drug addiction. Two people raised in the same environment but turned out totally different. We have been told that events shape our lives, but the truth is-its not the environment, but how we interpret the circumstances, in other words what we believe about events influence what we become.
Two sisters growing up in a home with a strict religious mother, they are constantly threatened with the ravages of hell. One sister discovers she has a fondness for other girls, struggles with her sexuality and religious guilt. Overcome with shame and guilt she takes her life before turning twenty years old. The other sibling gets the strength to reject the families’ religious convictions, finds love for her dead sister, breaks from family tradition to find love in a kind man with no religious beliefs and lives out her life without guilt in a happy home.
It’s never the environment; it’s never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events-what we believe the events mean to us- that shape who we are today and who we will become tomorrow. Your beliefs after events are what make the difference between a life of joy, or guilt ridden misery: between a life of contribution to the world or a self-centered, “Do everyone before they do me” attitude.
Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. What you believe about your environment contributes to shaping your self-image and cultural overview.
If you aren’t happy with your current life and want to change it, you must change your core beliefs-your deep beliefs-about what allows you to succeed in all your endeavors.
The first step to changing your circumstances is to recognize your limiting belief. The second step is to create questions that challenge your beliefs.
We will always behave in ways consistent with our beliefs and values, and limiting beliefs can restrict our choices and limit our capacity to change the ways we behave, and hold us back from achieving success. Too often, we get stuck in habitual thinking patterns and we can’t find new ideas or solutions.
What limiting beliefs could you be holding, which no longer serve you or which hold you back from achieving the success and happiness you deserve? Think about some of the clichés you may unconsciously be holding as truths. For example,
• You can’t have your cake and eat it
• Don’t question authority
• Our family always did it this way
• No pain, no gain
Also, think about the things you say to yourself which begin, “I’m too……..”, “I can’t…..” or “I’ll never…..”
And how about the attitudes you have towards money, relationships and career success – what are your core beliefs in these areas?
One Empowering Belief it may be useful to adopt is that you can successfully challenge and change your own limiting beliefs! For example, whenever you come across a limiting belief ask yourself questions such as:
• Is that true?
• What would happen if I didn’t?
• Who would I be without my story?
• What would happen if I did?
• What would happen if I weren’t?
• Who says?
• What stops me?
• How do I know?
• Has it ever been different?
• Has anyone else ever done it?
These types of question prompt a line of thinking which moves you from a perception that you have no choice to realizing that you do in fact have choices and possibilities for change. Beliefs are powerful ways to increase the quality of life. Choose the ones that empower you and those around you.
